So many parties, so little opportunity

And if nevertheless you want to express resounding protest because you know your Arab vote is of no use in the Jewish state - vote with your feet...

Salman Masalha ||

So many parties, so little opportunity

The abundance of parties running for Knesset from the right and the left and from the religions of Moses and Ishmael is offering voters endless possibilities. Therefore it is hard to believe that many are still wallowing in their indecisiveness. For them I offer this guide for the perplexed voter, by means of which he will able to hack his way through the party thicket, put an end to his indecision, get to the voting place and put the right vote into the ballot box.

So if you are of the undecided species, you must first test yourself in order to reduce your consternation and focus your thinking. All that is required of you is to answer the following questions sincerely. As in every proper test, the questions will be presented from the easiest to the most difficult.

First of all, if you define yourself as a supporter of peace, then your situation is hopeless and you are in a big muddle. This is because it is unreasonable to believe that all those people around you are champing at the bit to do battle. Therefore, forget all that nonsense and look for answers to concrete questions. You should know that it is all in your hands. Now look at yourself in the mirror and answer yourself in all sincerity.

If you are an authentic Mizrahi - a Jew from the Muslim countries - who wants to restore a crown to its former glory and hates gays, Russians and other white people, you can vote for Shas and elect the wearers of the Ashkenazi fedoras. Shas is also the address for you if are an Arab who devoutly observes a tradition you don't really know. If you are an Arab who observes tradition and are also a fool, you can go straight to the source and vote for United Torah Judaism.

If you are among the simpletons of the lower classes, from no matter which ethnic group, you can vote for Bibi and Likud-Beiteinu, as these are promising to keep you at the bottom of the social ladder forever and ever. They will continue to screw you but they will do this with caresses that arouse Jewish pride. You are ensured short-term Jewish satisfaction with Bibi.

If you are a proud, white Jew, for example a descendent of an early Zionist tribe whose forefathers dried swamps while plucking the natives' feathers in order to build a state for the Jews, but who in the fullness of days and with the Levantine demographic growth have discovered that the state has slipped between your calloused fingers, you can vote for the Labor Party-poopers.

There are more options. If you are a member of the middle class who doesn't know where the money is because you are the one who is stepping on it under the streetlight, you have an abundance of choices in the center, from Tzipi Livni (Hatnuah ) to Yair Lapid (Yesh Atid ) to Shaul Mofaz (Kadima ). If you are a Jew, a settler and a certified racist, you have a warm home in Habayit Hayehudi, The Jewish Home. If you are also a loudmouth, then Otzma Le'yisrael is right up your alley.

If you are a Muslim citizen, a separatist and a racist who is looking for a home of your own, you have the Muslim Home in Ra'am and company. If you are an Arab who says he is secular but is really traditional and speaks in two languages: one of them in your mouth, sweet and leftist to Jews, and the other in your heart, slippery and racist to Arabs, you have the Arab Mapai - Hadash. And if you are an Arab Revisionist who sings two banks of the Jordan are Palestine and are nostalgic for an Arab dictator who is long gone from this world, you have the Arabic Likud-Beiteinu - Balad.

But if you are just a plain, decent citizen, regardless of religion, race or sex, you can vote for Da'am - just sayin'.

And if nevertheless you want to express resounding protest because you know your Arab vote is of no use in the Jewish state - vote with your feet. To paraphrase an observation attributed to Mark Twain: If our vote could change anything in the Jewish state, they wouldn't let us cast it.

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Published: Opinions-Haaretz, Jan 21, 2013

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